The Darkness Celebrated

A woman behind me in line said, “I’m NOT sorry. I quit being sorry about the time I turned 60, which was quite a while ago, and I just finished listening to you have a whole conversation about that little boy’s cat which made me want to kiss you. Before you got here, he was a hot mess and I wasn’t even sure I wanted coffee anymore. So, I’m gonna give you my best old lady advice. Stop with the apologies. Life’s too short for that crap.”

I was just waiting in line like everyone else, being friendly while I did it too, but when I got to the head of the line, my credit card and their machine decided to be sworn enemies. Instinctively, I felt like the whole long, slow line was on me, and the “I’m so sorry” diatribe ensued. Café Julia’s line being out the door wasn’t my fault. It was a beautiful holiday weekend at the busiest coffee shop in southwest Michigan. It hit me. It really did. It’s not my fault and I am not sorry!! What a time to be alive, ha?!

I’m going to shift in tone for a moment here, but I’ll ask you stick with me and the new “unapologetic Shelly” as I tiptoe into shark-infested waters.

I have long tried to be true to myself, but also careful, when sharing my thoughts publicly. Now seems the time to let that go a bit, take a cute from some people much wiser than me. Have you ever noticed that like my new coffee shop friend, “older” humans kind of don’t give a rip? Whatever their “isms” were as younger folks, so many of those qualities are just bigger and more. Sometimes, they are among those I encounter in life who just make me think people are basically pop-up ads with legs. Here’s the thing, though. When senior citizens speak, it’s often less “rude” and more “premium blunt honesty”. They are masters at saying the quiet part out loud. I’ve noticed lately that there’s holiness in that.

You know who else inspired me with his unapologetic (and very Christian) witness in this life? Charlie Kirk. I didn’t agree with his every position. Yet, he invited civil discourse and freedom of speech, especially among young people, and what bothers me most about the tragic death of this young husband and father is simple.

The darkness celebrated. Interiorly, instinctively, we know it.

At the heart of every important issue of society is the dignity of the human person. A life was horrifically, violently snuffed out. It had just happened in a similarly gruesome way to children attending an all-school mass in Minnesota, and my stomach still hurts thinking about it.

What can we do to eradicate this evil? The lack of reverence for life is stunning, and it is not of God.

For one, I have to make a shift. I cannot be afraid to speak truth about difficult things—like mental health, the inherent dignity of all lives, and the presence of evil.

The issue of all forms of life-threatening violence is far from simple. I’m of the opinion that criminal violence will never be fully constrained by law and yet I am praying harder than ever that the Lord will protect and guide the minds and hands of our leaders and law enforcement so that vulnerable lives will be spared. People with tortured, delusional minds often commit heinous acts, and we need to recognize and address this fact. It’s time for right thinking people to tune in and listen when we hear about alarming words or behaviors. Then, we must do the hard part and chime in, for the love of God and our neighbor. We are doing no one any favor by neglecting the mental and emotional health of someone suffering. Let’s provide support and proper health care. I wish I knew exactly how to accomplish all that, but I don’t. That means I have to talk to the One who does. Don’t you dare listen to those who say prayer doesn’t matter. St. Augustine said it quite a lot better than I could. He said, “Pray as though everything depends on God. Work as though everything depends on you.”

We must pray daily that our families and communities grow in virtue. We can beg the Lord to inspire those in charge to proactively protect our schools and churches. We must ask Him to help us reform our laws and our healthcare system so that the ill get the quality care they need and deserve.

Finally, as for me? I’m going to also pray that the Lord uses me. I’ll work more on encouragement and affirmation. Unlike a string of “so sorrys”, those things have magical powers. A well-received “atta girl” makes me feel like I do when I put on my new Hokas…like I’m walking on pillows sprinkled with fairy dust. It’s time for me to spread that and loads of gratitude around.

In other words, the old gal was right.

Soooo, since the world is full to the brim with…well…people who are the leading cause of Monday vibes, I’m going to buck the trend. I want to be more intentional about kindness, letting kindness and love be my most important accomplishment. To make people feel like they don’t have to fill with world with apologies, and help them understand they are MORE THAN ENOUGH, in fact they are deeply loved by God. What a win that would be. I’ll try to spread light, be love, (but like…the sarcastic, fun kind, not the Hallmark card kind, ha?) I’m only half kidding. The most important thing, always, is to be myself, the woman God made me to be. Authenticity is everything!

In the past year or so, two of my three sons have gotten married. Sometime, I’ll write about the experiences—there’s some solid humor and a few tears in that material. As a family, we are just beyond incredibly blessed to have added my two new “outlaw daughters” to the fold. Erika and Katie are top shelf humans. The experience of wedding planning with all the details, chosen with much care and love…and then watching my sons stand at the front of those long church aisles waiting for their brides to make their way forward? I can’t do it justice here.

What I CAN tell you is that I’m thankful for the light bringers in the midst of the emotional pandemonium. I’m grateful for the ones that have filled my life with the good, good stuff. I’m mad for the Enderle clan, who thoughtfully included us on so much preparation and smiled alongside as our children, Erika and Drew, were united together a year ago. Ditto, Ange Bailey and the whole goofy, fun family of my newest girl, Katie Thieme. See what I did there, Katie? Those two women make the corners of my mouth go up.

To the MANY friends who endured my endless stories about wedding gown fittings, wedding venues, or whatever was on my mind on a given day…YOU ARE THE REAL HEROES. I simply couldn’t do life without my mom squad ladies. I know all of you have lives full of chaos—good and horrible—just like me.

The ones who show up for us, the ones who listen and encourage, those people are magic. They are glimmers of goodness in a sometimes-dark world.

If you don’t have those people, seek some out. Be intentional about creating relationships with sunny humans who care. If you have some already, treasure them. Be grateful for truly good souls. They exist and they are gifts from God. Don’t you dare let them go!

You see, life doesn’t stop when we are exhausted or when our souls feel threadbare. It keeps going. Life is demanding and there aren’t timeouts allotted to us. Even the very best parts of life kick our tail, and nothing occurs in isolation—illness, work stress, broken down appliances, and death of loves ones continue on relentlessly. And despite the weight that we sometimes carry interiorly, we still have to show up. It’s a quiet miracle sometimes that we don’t let the hard days win.

What we can do that really matters is we can become the voice of reassurance we may have longed for, because, you see, sometimes we just need someone to wink at us and say, “You’ve got this. You’re terrific. Keep going.”

If your style is to radiate positivity partly just to annoy people, serving up love with a side of sarcasm (like yours truly), then BON APPETIT! Besides, pessimism is already fully booked and negativity won’t make the wifi faster.

Smile- it confuses people.

If you’ve read this far, consider yourself virtually hugged today. The darkness may have celebrated recently, but in the end, God wins.

Peace, love and prayers,

Shelly

PS—In the spirit of kindness I discussed as a goal, above, I’m collecting to help Annunciation School in Minneapolis. Gifts will be given to them, in person, by a Dominican Sister from my home parish in Carmel, Indiana, who now teaches in the same diocese in Minnesota. You can venmo me @always-editing.